From deisenst@mail.coin.missouri.edu Mon May 25 21:28:32 1998 Date: Mon, 25 May 1998 14:34:37 -0500 (CDT) From: "David D. Eisenstein" To: "R. Thomas Cloud" , Habadasher Soup -- David Ackerman , "Cheryl L. Hill" , Jeff Brotemarkle , Brother Mark Cc: Vic Eisenstein , The Stumbaugh family , Virginia Wayman , Cindy Cutler , Thomas Edelblute Subject: On a happier note -- was Re: Mental Health Hi Tom Cloud and all my friends, Here is a sharing that is on a happier note. It may not interface will with you who have little problems or have outgrown it; but I found this little piece the other day, and wish to share it with you all. It's what you have been saying all along, Tom. And a foil to my stupidity. :) Er, challenges. ;) --- --- --- --- --- --- --- "SELF-IMAGE "Have you ever noticed that when you are feeling good about yourself, other people become very nice? Isn't it funny how they change! "The world is a reflection of ourselves. When we hate ourselves, we hate everybody else. When we love being who we are, the rest of the world is wonderful. "Our self-image is the blueprint which determines exactly how we will behave, who we will mix with, what we will try and what we will avoid; our every thought and every action stem from the way we see ourselves. "The picture we have of ourselves is colored by our experiences, our successes and failures, the thoughts we have had about ourselves and other peoples's reactions to us. Believing this image to be fact, we proceed to live absolutely within the bounds of this picture. "Therefore, our self-image determines -- * how much we like the world and how much we like living in it * exactly how much we will accomplish in life "We are what we believe we are. Hence, Dr. Maxwell Maltz, author of the bestseller 'Psycho-Cybernetics' wrote, 'The goal of any psychotherapy is to change an individual's image of himself.' "If you see yourself as being hopeless at mathematics, you will always have difficulty with figures. Perhaps sparked by some bad early experiences, you will have developed an attitude that says, 'No matter what, I can't do math.' Therefore, you don't try. Generally, you will fall further and further behind. If ever you do succeed, you say 'It's a fluke.' When you don't succeed, you say, 'There! That proves I am hopeless!' Chances are that you would also tell others that you can't add up. The more you tell your brother and your husband and your neigh- bor and your bank manager that you are a hopeless case, the more you believe it, the more deeply embedded that self-image becomes. "The first step toward a vast improvement in our results is to change the way we think and talk about ourselves. A slow learner can begin to become a fast learner as soon as he changes his ideas about his own ca- pabilities. If your self-image says that your co-ordination is excel- lent, you'll pick up new sports easily. If your self-image says you are a klutz, then you will spend so much time worrying about dropping the ball and succeeding in doing exactly that. "So long as you see yourself as someone who is always broke, you will remain broke. If you see yourself as a financial winner, you will be prosperous. "Our self-image is like a thermostat and we continue to perform within the prescribed range. It may be that Fred expects to be happy about fifty percent of the time. Therefore, whenever things are going extra well for Fred, he'll think, 'Wait! Things aren't meant to be this good! Something is bound to go wrong any minute.' When it does, Fred takes a deep breath and says, 'I knew it couldn't last.' "What Fred may not realize is that there are other people in the world who are unhappy all the time, and still others who are happy nearly all the time. We create our own quality of life, based on our own happiness self image. "What this means is the WE DECIDE on our own self-image. We de- cide on our own worth and decide how much happiness to expect." -from _Being_Happy:__A_Handbook_to_Confidence_and_ _Greater_Security_, by Andrew Matthews --- --- --- --- --- --- --- I think God has something to do with this too. But I'm not sure what. God can't decide for us how we choose to view ourselves. He can't decide for us what it is we do or how it is we act as a result of how we view ourselves.. We can pray to him to be given lucky breaks, to be given what it is that we want out of life, to be given health, good looks, money, station, power, or love. But what this thing quoted above says to me is that a lot more of the things that I want out of life can be enabled by having the attitude that those things are expected and deserved, that I am worthy of them rather than pitifully (pitiably?) unworthy -- that my own self-image dictates how worthy or unworthy I feel to receive or give gifts of love or other things. More powerfully, it depends upon how worthy or unworthy I *believe* I am. Moreover, it depends upon how worthy or unworthy I *have faith* that I am. Unworthy = little faith "O ye of little faith"? Worthy = faith Feelings are fleeting - they come and go, minutely, hourly, daily. Beliefs are more lasting: They can change, but perhaps with seasons. Faith is underpinning -- is fairly constant. It changes very slowly and gradually -- but it *is* subject to change, for I think it comes from the deep well of the subconscience -- which is probably where God lives. In other words, faith comes from the heart. I believe I can be worthy of many wondrous and wonderful things. I believe we all can be worthy of wondrous and wonderful things. We all are! But for those of us with self-image problems, the road to believing (and *getting results* -- "success," our chimeara), has a few more potholes and cracks along the way. And it is those cracks and potholes that make us human, that let us be imperfect and yet love despite the imperfections in ourselves and others. That give us reasons to be patient with one another when we have come to overcoming some self- image challenges. That gives us the potential for compassion for one-another, if we choose to grow in that way. I choose this day to grow. To throw off and learn new ways to believe. I choose this today and every day, for I must. For my soul deserves to live, not die, as long as I have breath. Life, indeed, is a gift. Your friend, David